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[4] AYA KITOU’S DIARY: repentance

May 28, 2009

The only plant we harvest at Seiryou Junior High is Chinese citron.

When I went to go pick weeds where all these trees were, the guys made fun of my walking.

“What kind of walking is that? You look like a kindergartener.”

“Haha you seem eager, your feet is bowlegged.”

They laugh saying every possible things to make me mad. Of course, I ignored them. If I put up with all this, the water in the ocean would be gone. But it was really hard not to cry. Luckily, I was able to keep the tears from falling…

 

Today something very frustrating happened.

During P.E., I changed and went to the field.

The teacher said, “Today we’ll be running to the park 1km away. Then we’ll practice making basketball passes.”

My heart thumped. Running, passing… I can’t do either.

“Kitou what are you gonna do?”

I dropped my head low and the teacher continued,

“well, you can have a study hall with O-san.” [O-san forgot her P.E. clothes].

Hearing this,I immediately hear my classmate’s voices.

“Aww study hall~ how lucky.”

I was boiling with anger.

“If you want study hall so much, I’ll trade places with you. Even if it’s only a day. I wanna switch bodies. Then maybe you’ll understand the feeling of a person who can’t do anything they want to do.”

Everytime I walk, in every step I take, I can feel my unsteady body, it makes me feel weak, I feel humiliated and miserablenot being able to do what everyone else is capable of doing. Is that something you can’t understand unless you experience it? Even if you can’t feel what the personis feeling, I want you to atleast try to think in my point of view.

But I think that’s hard to do.

Even for me, I only first realized this after it happened to me.

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