RAH! RAH! GO TEAM! YEAH!

Home » Post Item » [19] AYA KITOU’S DIARY; my decision

[19] AYA KITOU’S DIARY; my decision

June 4, 2009

My mom went to visit a school for the handicapped, in Okazaki. She told me about it and for some reason, I couldn’t  stop crying. My sister is studying very hard, because its exam week. I’m doing nothing. I can’t get the school for handicapped children out of my mind.

 

Honestly, I know that I can’t stay at Higashikou for 3 years. I don’t know anything about handicap school. It’s an unknownworld for me. Columbus and Gama  must have went into the unknown world with 4 hopes and 6 fears.

 

Hope

1. I will b able to see a clearer future.

2. I will be able to live my own life.

3. The facilities and the system seems to be very good,

4. I will be able to make handicapped friends.

 

Fear

1. I will be less like a human.

2. I don’t know if I’ll be able to live with other people.

3. Saying goodbye to my high school friends.

4. How the people [society] will look at me [beacause of the image of handicap school].

5. Boys.

6. A change within the family.

 

I wonder if my little sister will remember me, even if I go away and stay in the dorm. And my brother… will he at least sometimes think about me? [This seems like I’m gonna go commit suicide or something].

 

S-chan has been living alone since freshman year, because her house is far and can’t commute to school. the reason may be different from me, but I can understand her loneliness.

 

A big fly is buzzing by the window. Flies in the winter need to be killed. But when I thought about them giving birth to many children in the summer, I couldn’t kill it, feeling the importance of “life”.

 

I was looking at the new classroom building from the window. I became emotional as I thought to myself “Aww this is Higashikou,” When I look up at the sky, there was a white moon.

 

“You didn’t choose to be sick. There are many things you can do, even if you are handicapped. If you were a person who didn’t have the power to think, you wouldn’t  have been able to  feel the kindness, and the warmth that people have, which you first realized after getting sick,” says mom.

 

S-chan and I talked in the sunshine by the lakeside, listening to the birds singing.

“Aya-chan, you’re one strange girl. You say, ‘The sky is beautiful, it’s so blue,’ and is easily amazed. Your heart must be very pure,” says S-chan.

I asked her, “Is there anyone that lets you be yourself when you’re with them?”

“Hmm maybe my little sister or brother, because I can be arrogant. But I can be myself the most when I’m alone.”

 S-chan chose to live on her own. Aya is torn away from her family.

This is a big difference.

 

<A high school senior with a canine tooth>

There is a girl in Biology Club with braids who love mice. I walked with her to the library. I walked all on my own! I was ver slow… but she walked with me adjusting her speed to my pace. She has 44 mice at home. She told me about the first time she got a mouse.

“Her name was Nana. She was a girl. She dies from breast cancer. A mouse becomes  like a human  when they get sick, and then die.

It’s very sad, seeing an animal die.”

I don’t know anything about her. I could ask the upperclassmen or the teachers, but I don’t intend on asking them, because I want to get to know more about her through her stories.

 

I was able to talk to her again.

People call her Sa-chan.

Her family consists of her father, mother, younger sister, and the 44 mice. In her own yard, there is a graveyard for her miceand she puts grasses on their graves.

In French, the forget-me-not is translated as a mouse. Sa-chan told me that this was because  the forget-me-not looks lik a nouse.

“I [she uses Boku when she talks, even though  she is a girl] thinks that when someone dies, they have died instead of me. You [Aya] have a bad leg. So, I think that I need to live my life earnestly for you.”

“I believe that people have special power, so for a blind person, aren’t people who are able to see, people with supernatural powers?”

Sa-chan doesn’t toil. I love her! But neither Sa-chan nor Aya will be in Higashikou next year.

 

In English grammar class, K-chan cried saying she was disappointed. [She had gotten a low grade on her test].

The teacher became frantic and said,  “Don’t cry! If you’re gonna cry , you should have tried  harder in the first place.”

It was scary. Thinking that I would never get in trouble like that no matter how bad my grade would be, made me sad.

 

I was telling Sa-chan about the time when my body became warm fromdoing sports.

“Plaing push-and-shove is the best!”

“Even in soccer and basketball, you don’t need to touch the ball. all you need to do is run.”

I was a little embarassed  when I rambled on about the things I cannot do anymore.

 

I watched the movie,  “The Lily in the Field” on tv.

I believed in God. Thinking that God is probably testing me throught these hardships, made me feel a lot better. Somehow, I do not want to forget this feeling.

 

It’s almost New Year. Many people helped and cared for me this year. It seems like next year is going to be a though year… fighting against myself. This is because the Aya right now cannot admit she is a handicap. I don’t want to. It’s scary. But I can’t keep running away! If I go to handicap school…

 

It scares me to think about attending the handicap school. It may be true that it would be a great place for a handicap person like me, but I want to stay in Higashikou.

I want to study with everyone.

I want to learn about many things and become a big person.

I don’t want to think about my healthy classmates leaving me behind.

 

My mother sometimes talks about the handicap school.

Aya is capable of doing things on her own even though it may take a lot of time.

 She told me how I can change from a person being helped, to a person giving help.

I am on the cliff of making a huge decision and that time is coming soon.

Posted by znalb at 8:45 pm | permalink

Previous Comments

ang masasabi ko lang at napadaan ako dito, eh gud luck sa board exam mo . . . ^_^
sana makapasa ka :D

Posted by ash at June 5, 2009, 9:58 am

waaah! salamat :]

Posted by znalb at June 5, 2009, 5:09 pm

hi! ito po ba ung latest nio n post ng translation ng diary ni aya? please reply nman po kau kc super interested acu d2! yume16@yahoo.com ang latest cu n translation ay “the understanding of a handicaupped” part 2,,meron b kau ng susunod jan??? pls reply me ha?

Posted by yume16 at June 20, 2009, 5:12 pm

hmmm…. di ito kumpleto ehh…

sorry

Posted by znalb at June 20, 2009, 5:29 pm

I think am just having some problems with subscribing to RSS feed here.zv

Posted by abercrombie uk at May 17, 2011, 1:29 pm

I so enjoyed every bit of this site and I’ve bookmarked your blog to keep up with the new topics you will post in the future.

Posted by abercrombie deutschland at May 17, 2011, 5:25 pm

Your place is valueble for me. Thanks!…

Posted by chinese tea at May 20, 2011, 11:01 am

I think am just having some problems with subscribing to RSS feed here.

Posted by abercrombie and fitch uk at May 20, 2011, 11:01 am

uhm.. may copy po ba kau ng diary nia? from the start.. may i know kung my sarili po kaung website.. just contact me here 09066002127..tnx.

Posted by monique at July 22, 2011, 9:11 am

hen talking about foreign policy. What does it mean to have a oreign policy approach? I assume that people use “leftist” as a prox

Posted by oakley sunglasses men at September 30, 2011, 4:10 pm

I recently necessary some good information in addition to appeared to be looking for Search engines because of it. My spouse and I went to each individual web site the fact that emerged about to begin with site in addition to would not obtained just about any appropriate consequence webpage for myself regarded as browse the following one particular along with your blog post. This is just what I need to!

Posted by cheap christian louboutin at October 19, 2011, 9:17 am

High quality and inexpensive you deserve

Posted by Mulberry Outlet at October 28, 2011, 4:43 pm

I found Moncler Outlet offical site on Sale now, the Moncler Jackets Sale Clearance in Moncler UK online store, other brands like Oakley Sunglasses Cheap also hot sale, you can try to buy the Cheap Oakley Sunglasses!
http://www.moncler-outlets.co.uk/

Posted by Moncler Jackets at November 1, 2011, 1:31 pm

When I was young, I always like to play some online games, now think it is a waste of life. But now the Internet, I would pay more attention to your thoughts and life, as it is now for me at home drinking coffee and smoking a cigar at your article

Posted by Prada Outlet at November 19, 2011, 2:02 pm

Aw, this was a really great post. In theory I’d like to write like this also – taking time and real effort to make a good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate alot and never seem to get something done.

Posted by MBT Shoes at November 29, 2011, 12:20 am

I got what you intend, saved to my bookmarks , very decent internet site .

Posted by Tory Burch Outlet at November 29, 2011, 12:21 am

Perfect just what I was looking for! .

Posted by Burberry Outlet Online at November 29, 2011, 12:21 am

Barbour Jacket is a world-famous top brand. It has the high quality and the high-tech design. If you wear Barbour Quilted Jacket, you will feel warm in extreme cold weather. Barbour Jackets Women not only make the wearer feel comfortable, but also to ensure the wearer feel more warm in the cold and harsh winter. Welcome to our Barbour Uk online store, we offer various Barbour Jackets Sale, like Barbour Jackets Boys, Girls Barbour Jackets, Mens Barbour Jackets, Womens Barbour Jackets，Barbour Quilted Jackets，Barbour International Jacket. Barbour Jackets For Men are a product of men’s style outfits which don’t just stick to fashion, nor even guide it. Barbour Coat merely is fashion. Whether you choose out Barbour International Quilt Jacket for remarkable warmth, Barbour Polarquilt Jacket for exceptional defense toward the rain, or Kids Barbour Jackets for defense using the cold the brand Barbour International will practically undoubtedly be just one you will arrive to rely upon and love. Because Ladies Barbour Jackets aren’t like pretty quite a few other men’s style items. Our Barbour Outlet online store gives you the newest products of Cheap Barbour Jackets. Right here you may obtain an enormous amount of many Barbour Quilted Jacket Ladies at acceptable price. Our Baby Barbour Jackets acquired well identified with potential customers throughout the whole world for it really of top quality and reasonable price. Within our Barbour Sale, Barbour Factory Shop now has these kinds of Barbour Ladies Jackets, Childrens Barbour Jackets, Barbour Coats For Men, Womens Barbour Jacket and an enormous amount of Womens Barbour Quilted Jacket series. You may get every certainly one of many materials of Barbour Coats Women within our Barbour Online website. Obtain out more materials about us at http://www.barbourjackets-sale.org.Founded in 1894 by John Barbour, J. Barbour & Sons Company have a long history in producing durable Barbour Jackets. As a top brand, Womens Barbour Quilted Jacket has won Queens Award for their excellent quality. Many customers all over the world also praised this durable Quilted Barbour Jacket. Barbour Online Sale high quality Barbour Jackets For Women, Barbour Girls Jackets with reasonable price for you. From here, you will find variety of Barbour Quilted Jacket Mens, Barbour Jacket Women and Kids Barbour Sale. Welcome to http://www.barbourjackets-sale.org online store, buy product here will enjoy no sale tax and free shipping!

Canada Goose Jakke is well known for their top quality and reliable after-sales service that they provide for the customers.Canada Goose Jakker have won high appraise from the old and new customers world-wide around. More and more people choose this type down jackets Canada Goose Chilliwack as their best way for protecting them from the cold whethers.If you still do not have a Canada Goose Jackets , do not hesitate to choose your favourite one from our website where could provide you the best price and top quality. And we offer free shipping to all areas in Canada. Please feel free to place the orders as all of our Canada Goose Parka here are of 100% original.
Canada Goose Jackets Wholesale From South Pole research facilities and the Canadian High Arctic to the streets of New York City,Stockholm,Milan, Toronto and Tokyo,people wear Canada Goose because of Its reputation for quality,functionality and style.Our Canada Goose Parka online store provides you best collection of Canada Goose Parkas On Sale for both men and women.Own Canadian Goose Coat, you can enjoy your outdoor sporting life at your hearts’content.Welcome to our shop enjoy Canada Goose Youth Parka authentic quality and free shipping.You worth having Canada Goose Gloves.
New Canada Goose collection of down insulated,technical and travel inspired outerwear will protect you in conditions that range from the mind-numbing cold of Antarctica to the gale force winds on the North Sea. Anyone who has ever worn one of Buy Canada Goose Jakke will tell you that Canada Goose Chilliwack Parka has never let them down.

Posted by canada goose jackets at December 7, 2011, 9:01 am

very suitable

Posted by discount ugg boots at December 15, 2011, 1:16 pm

I will bookmark your weblog and check again here regularly.

Posted by Ralph Lauren Outlet at December 20, 2011, 4:07 pm

The excellent standing is a result of top quality. canada goose for saleCanada goose contains a couple of heroes: web site ’s all for the Canada goose dresses is without a doubt created in Canada from ancient Canada. And also moment is definitely typically the promise in quality. Canada Goose pants Not all associated provider can make these people. Then again Canada goose actually does.canada goose onlineWe will analysis with regards to the technique of the production. Canada Goose Chilliwack Parka That it is major production is actually winter weather apparel. With the work shop regarding Canada goose, all the working hard treatments happen to be opting a particular tidy plus effective way. Canada Goose outlet The process is very coordinated, which often as a result of better supervision program.
The running piece of equipment may reduce the information presented into a specific design initially, canada goose parkaand then they are attached in your hand.canada goose jackets Everyone is aware about that it’ll just take a lot much less period to sew the garments by simply product rather than to stitch him or her manually ,. Though Canada goose asserts for developing apparel physically. You might say that the price which makes them personally is high.cheap canada goose In Canada goose’s belief, ones own outfits should really be padded hand — it is the simply process to sewn a very good shirt.

Moncler Jackets Women would be the most recent well-liked,moncler jackets women unique design and extremely stylish, the comfortable inserting on will provide you with a comfortable as well as enjoyable winter.moncler jackets men Offering 3 squat pockets, Squat closure as well as little logo area about still left sleeve. Modern youngsters just like a few trendy and specific type, so revolutionary aspects might be very easily discovered about the fresh functions regarding Moncler Outlet .Moncler footwear linked with excellent design highest quality inside the layout, moncler vests on saleso that you can move straight in the direction of location. moncler coats sale placed on this particular footwear with a set of skiing jeans with regard to compacted snow or absorb it the actual direction regarding roadways using a amazing couple of jeans.this boot styles offers you fashion as well as warmness.moncler jackets online moncler footwear appear elegant having a feeling of performance degree with respect to plenty of of these overcoats.cheap moncler sale Additionally welcome to selection the classic moncler online from your moncler outlet.Moncler jackets Kid can make your youngster lovely.It really is most effective gift for the youngsters.cheapest moncler jacketsYour children may admire putting on these with their own main sight because they are rich in a beautiful physical appearance. In the snowfall evening or really cold temperature, youngsters use them outside and definately will sense warm and comfortable. moncler jackets saleGoose decrease is actually accepted to get the actual really the majority of beneficial light-weight, moncler jacketsinsulating supplies and is particularly additionally completely mesh. If you need to give your Kid any warm winter season, after that can be found to our moncler outlet.cheapest moncler

An all-around jacket for cold weather excursions,North Face Mens Jackets this North Face Kids Denali Fleece Jackets Grey offers severe comfort and protection in cold weather.north face jackets women Produced from recycled Polartec 300 sequence fleece,north face outlet this mid-to-heavyweight fleece minimizes waste wherever possible. Eco-friendly jacket has the same great glimpse and function; including abrasion-resistant panels inside the torso, shoulders, the north face saleand elbows that withstands loads of use yr after yr - The North Face Outlet.the north face jacketsThe simple color and comfy placing on can be the north face jackets superb feature. Cheap North Face Mens Denali Fleece Jacket Dark Blue online, the flex cuff and stand training collar will sustain the wind out your plan in cold weather.the north face
cheap north face
You will have a warm winter with this jacket and it will never away from style too. Intensity recommended! The North Face Womens Jacket in our site are also both stylish and cheap.

uggs boots effortlessly combine signature star hardware with suede fringe detail to capture the Jimmy Choo rock star edge, ugh bootstowarding the coming xmas Day,ugg boots sale we have this 2011 new design cheapest ugg boots online.cheap uggs UGG And Jimmy Choo Boots With a top-cuff, cheap ugg bootschic Jimmy Choo element detail on two layers of Silkee Suede fringe,uggs for sale a silver star studded trim on dim lamb suede and antique brass star studded trim on chestnut and chocolate lamb suede decorate the two tall and traditional boot models. ugg bootsPlease rush to purchase the discount ugg Jimmy Choo boots on ugg boots online.ugh boots for saleJust slip your feet in to the UGG Classic Tall Boots by UGG Australia, ugg boots onlineto really feel how soft and cozy comfort they are,ugg boots sale then you will discover the purpose that why they are loved over the world.cheap ugg boots The classics tall boots are always comfy and chic,discount ugg boots they are produced from pure sheepskin,ugg boots online give amazing comfort for you in cozy or cold weather.ugg boots Lightweight EVA outsoles afford cushiony comfort and traction all year long.cheap ugg boots Welcome to our ugg boots outlet, ugg boots for salethere are kinds of stylish cheap uggs for you!ugg boots online he UGG Classic Cardy Boots attributes colorful, knit uppers and a sheepskin sock liner for additional comfort.cheap ugg boots sale A mild and flexible outsole along using a suede heel guard offers durable put on all period long. With three oversized wooden buttons, this design can be styled up and buttoned,ugg classic boots cheap slouched and slightly unbuttoned, or completely cuffed. Ugg boots sale, shopping now!

Posted by UGG BOOTS at December 29, 2011, 5:36 pm

Add a comment